Here comes the bride,
a web cam by her side.
Send in her picture,
you’d sure like to meet her,
you know she’s hard to find.
Perhaps every girl’s dream is to have this song sung about her. Being proposed to over dinner, at an expensive restaurant, by a man she has known and loved for many years.
Or, receiving a “Will you marry me?” email, out of the blue, from a man she’s only talked to in front of her computer monitor.
Last August of this year, Sen. Manny Villar urged for the probe of hundreds of thousands of women involved in mail order bride services. Despite this, and despite the law that prohibits trafficking of humans which includes mail ordering and delivering women, almost half a million Filipinas leave the country each year as mail ordered brides.
Two women share their stories on joining the online dating and mating industry and eventually becoming mail ordered bride themselves.
Put on Your Lipstick and Double Click
Shandy, (not her real name), 28 from Lapulapu City Cebu , had been part of the mail-order bride trend for more than four years now. She was an assistant in an internet café and lived with her parents. She was a member of several online dating and partner search communities before she submitted an application to a certain Filipina mail order bride service.
“Nung una naman talaga, hindi pa mail order [bride yung] pinasukan ko, parang dating dating lang,” Shandy explained in an email interview. She recalled how originally, she wanted to “meet new friends, especially foreigners” through the online dating service. “Libre naman,” she wrote, “at madami akong kaibigan na sumasali kaya sumali rin ako.”
Shandy explained that the process of joining was very simple, quite similar to doing your Friendster account. “Madali lang, puupnta ka lang sa website nila at sasa gutin ung profile mo. Magsusulat ka din ng mga ‘about me’ at ‘interested in’”.
Once you’ve made given the required information, the online services will give you your account which they will post on their website. The most important requirement in the profile was the picture.
“Dapat maganda yung sa’yo (your picture). Nag-make up ako nun ng maganda, kasi wala naming pipili sa’yo kung pangit ka sa picture kasi yun lang naman makikita nila sa’yo.” Shandy had her picture taken in a studio the day after her friends talked her into joining the online dating community. She wore a sleeveless blouse and a peir of earrings, she described in a follow-up e-mail. She gave her “very sexy smile” for the photoshoot.
Erika (not her real name), 23 from Manila City, had her picture taken the same night she decided to put herself up as a mail order bride. It was hasty decision. According to her, she was “single at walang kasama, walang magawa” Clad in shorts and tank top, she simply brushed her hair, puckered up and took her still shot from the web cam in a crowded computer shop.
Try and Try ‘Til He Asks “will you?”
It takes some time before one feels that she’s really in the online dating and mating works. Shandy shared how she waited a couple of weeks before someone emailed her telling her he’s interested. “Foreigner siya, bale American,” she wrote. They emailed each other and saw each other through web cam for a month until the American decided to stay in
Shandy dated the American, a 58 year old retiree, for two months. They went to malls and good restaurants. Sometimes the American would visit her in her house, “kilala siya ng parents ko.” Twice they went to
The American never came back after that. Shandy had other encounters with other foreigners after him. “Hindi na kami ulit nagkita, hindi na cia nag-email. Pero madami rin kasi nagsesend ng picture [sa akin], mga foreigners din.”
Erika was a sales lady in
Erika’s catch is a Canadian widow with two kids. “May-ari sila ng convenien[ce] store.” After sending each other emails mediated by the operator, Erikka decided to give her contact number and communicate with “Hank” outside the mail order services. A few weeks back she received an email from “Hank” asking her to marry him.
“Hindi ko pa alam isasagot ko, pero ka-chat ko pa rin siya ngayon”
Shandy, on the other hand, met her latest man just last May. Her “real love” was another
They’re leaving for
Say I Do
The concept of foreign men being the answer to a Filipina’s prayers was something prevalent even before the OFW hype. In Lualhati Bautista’s award winning novel “Gapo” showed how Filipinas had grown greatly fond of American soldiers to earn a living and fulfill the great American dream “Dumating ang isang barkong puti, nagpaganda ang mga pinay (an American ship arrives, Filipinas prepared themselves),”
This mentality plus the so-called glaring solution life abroad offers today drew a conclusion that some women do look at marriage as a
A member profile in Filipinoheart.com read “I'm looking for my hero or knight in shining armor to rescue me. I've been dealt this hand and have been born in a 3rd world country where poverty is all around me and corruption rules the government. This is not the life and place that I want to live and I believe that I deserve better.”
When asked whether leaving for
Erikka has not said yes to “Hank” yet but admits she might eventually accept the offer after she informs her parents. “Syempre mahirap buhay dito, yung iba nga nag-aaral pa para lang makapunta abroad. Ako o-oo lang bibigyan na niya ako ng immigration.”
Wait and See
Neither Shandy nor Erikka can tell if marriages of mail order brides are a success. Certain websites post testimonials of both Filipina brides and foreign husbands saying how thankful they are for to have had found each other through the mail order bride services. The post pictures of themselves getting married, on vacation, on honeymoon; all looking happy and contented, and very much in love. But no one could really tell. ■
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